I’ve been very quiet, I know. I have been keeping busy and laying low intentionally. I’ve known our embryo transfer date was coming up but I was so afraid to get excited. Last time around (a couple of months ago) our transfer was cancelled one week before due to egg donor issues. Even though we were constantly updated on the donor and knew she was doing great, and knowing that my own numbers have been looking fantastic as well…I was still very scared something would come up to cancel this cycle, too. But we made it and we are here now. We are going to make a baby (or two ). Let’s do this!!!
We have a transfer date of either 14 November (for a 3 day) or 16 November (for a 5 day). As you all know I am extremely partial to the date of 16 November and feel we MUST transfer on that date. Why, you ask? That is little Viktoria’s birthday, my very first surrobabe. I delivered her on 16 November 2010 and I feel that little munchkin’s special day is going to carry over to help a wonderful man become a daddy.
So I sit here with my coffee flavored with some of this yummy peppermint mocha creamer and I begin my day by chatting it up with my sisters online. I’m making mental and actual lists of what I need to do today before I leave for Los Angeles tomorrow. Kenny and the kids will be in heaven having this hormonal lady out of the house, I can guarantee you that. For their sake this had better be a 5 day transfer, I’m sure they’re thinking. More time that Mom’s gone. LOL Oh, and they’re going to love the crappy frozen food I had to buy for them since Dad doesn’t cook and apparently even a simple Hamburger Helper is too difficult for him…okay, that’s a rant for another day.
Laundry, packing and going through my closet obsessively trying on clothes to see what are the right outfits to take are on the agenda for the day. The funny thing is I really am a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal and I normally couldn’t care less what I throw on my body. There is something about travel, however, that makes me antsy and I begin to second guess my wardrobe choices. Luckily the weather there will be much like my weather here so I don’t really need to over think that aspect.
I am extremely nervous, scared and excited and yet calm as well. I know that doesn’t sound possible or right but it’s true. Calm, at peace because I really do feel this transfer is going to result in a pregnancy. I feel it, I know this. Nervous and excited because I have not seen my IF since our match meeting this past spring. I know it’s stupid but I feel like it’s only the second date even though we have obviously kept in touch. I love this feeling but it makes me very nervous. LOL
Why scared? I also love to travel, take short and long trips, whatever…I am a big fan of travel. However, I am NOT a fan of flying. I absolutely hate to fly. It makes me a sick, nervous mess and I really do know it’s all good but my fear definitely does take over. I don’t cry, I don’t hug a post in the terminal refusing to be boarded and I’m definitely not a “drink to get through this” type person. But let me tell you right now, if you ever fly with me and I look calm and quiet, inside I am a nervous wreck convincing myself that it’s all going to be okay. LOL Kenny says it’s a control issue, when something (especially flying) is out of your control it can become a fear. He says that is why he got his private pilot’s license. I told him to shut the F*** up and I wasn’t interested in hearing one of his “I’m the most interesting man in the world” stories. Yeah…that’s another rant to share at a later time.
So I sit here postponing what I need to be doing. I am making the excuses that I need a good 2 or 3 cups of coffee before I’m functional, that I need a GOOD working list to commence the day because it would just be insane to have an incomplete list, and that of course I need to finish bugging the crap out of my sisters online. And I musn’t forget to practice the French Birthday Song a couple of more times. I’m learning to sing it for the precious Viktoria. Who’s having an extremely procrastinating type of morning? This gal here!