…is not a virtue I hold. At all. I’m sitting here today checking my email constantly and looking at my phone to make sure it’s actually on waiting for the call from someone telling me it’s time to get started with my calendar. Time to double check that address so we can send off the meds. It’s June, for Pete’s sake. I only just matched with Kevin in April so this is actually moving along pretty quickly.
That’s right, I’m not a patient person. Never have been. It’s funny, my first taste of really getting the idea that some things are out of your control was in the military. I always heard it’s hurry up and wait. And then when I first started in surrogacy I heard the same thing. It’s so true, too. Some things will happen very quickly while others won’t or even just stop you dead in your tracks. You would think I should know better, too, that these things can take time. I need to just look at my first go at a surrogacy journey to remember this little truth.
Flashback time…I don’t remember exact dates, months, etc but I do know that from the time I first signed on with my agency until the actual time of transfer date with Xavier & Bernard’s future little princess, Viktoria, it was a grand total of 2 1/2 years. Yep, you read that right. Do you remember when I spoke of the sonohysterogram we receive as applicants as part of our medical screening to become surrogates? Well, my first go around in September of 2007 was not that great. We found polyps. So off I went to schedule a hysteroscopy to get those removed and biopsied (standard procedure from what I hear) and luckily they were just a nuisance and in the way and posed no danger to me. I remember my sister took me to the hospital for the procedure and drove me home afterward. We got Chick-Fil-A on the way home. Isn’t it funny the weird things you remember? LOL
After the hysteroscopy they needed a normal pap to move forward. So off I go to the doctor again for my pap. And wouldn’t you know…it’s abnormal. Really?! WTF! Okay, okay…abnormal paps are not incredibly uncommon and don’t always mean anything. Usually you just wait have to wait a certain amount of time and need to have it redone. So I did just that. Honestly, I can’t remember how long it was but I waited and scheduled and had my followup pap. And again it was abnormal. What followed then, you ask? Why a colposcopy, a cervical biospy. It actually wasn’t that bad. Sure with each piece of disappointing news my heart skipped a beat. But I just wanted to go on to the next step to make sure I was healthy. It’s unnerving, but at the time I really was just taking it one step at a time.
Again my results were not great. Now I’m not going to lie. Medical terms fall into the category of science for me and I am NOT good at remembering them. I can tell you the basic mechanics of certain things, procedures, etc…but I cannot remember medical terms. So I apologize if I’m messing up some terminology here. Basically, again, the results were showing abnormal cells. It just wasn’t my day when I got those results a few weeks later. You want to know the funny thing I remember about the day of the colposcopy? I drove to BAMC for that procedure. I hate BAMC. Part of town I avoid and I hate the stupid parking lot. Well…I got lost trying to find my car afterward. Wait for it…wait for it…and it was raining. Yep, there was a thunderstorm and I was getting soaked walking around aimlessly looking for my car and I was NOT going to admit it by going in and asking for a ride from the golfcart guy. Not at BAMC where there are soldiers with missing limbs and recovering from horrible burns on their body (that’s what I’m thinking to myself). BAMC, one of the major hospitals where our servicemen and women go to recover and receive care after returning from the desert. So instead I wandered the parking lot crying and grateful it was raining and so my tears could be washed away by the rain. Oh, don’t worry. It’s okay to laugh at me. I certainly was 30 minutes later when I finally found my car. LOL
Moving on…it’s time to decide. I get my results (abnormal) and I need to decide what I want. Do I want a LEEP or cone biopsy? A quick google search will give you specifics on each procedure but I decided I didn’t want to be put under again so I opted for the LEEP. So after a few months of navigating the stupid military medical system and finally being scheduled for my procedure I had my LEEP. Alright, let me preface this by saying I’ve done a lot of reading of personal experiences and I seem to NOT be the norm so I don’t mean to scare anyone who will ever have the LEEP done. It’s supposed to be rather painless and a quick procedure. For me, it was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had. I guess I’m a freak. ‘Cause that shit hurt like a mofo. Go ahead, google it. You’ll read exactly what a LEEP is and you’ll see it’s supposed to NOT hurt. Why oh why did I experience excruciating pain then? OMG The pain was so bad my blood pressure skyrocketed and I almost passed out. They actually had to use smelling salts on me. The doctor and the nurses were fabulous, though. They really were amazing with helping me through it. The doctor was concerned and asked if we wanted to halt and schedule me for the cone biopsy (you get put under) but i told her to just go for it and I’d work through it. And of course I was fine afterward. In the end that’s all that matters.
Fast forward…it’s time for another pap. And guess what? It was normal…yay!!! I was so happy. After all that, I had a fucking golden cervix and uterus. Hellz yeah!! LOL Sorry, I just remember how happy I was that all was good and I was finally able to move forward. So finally in March of 2010 I was laying on the table in Dr. Ringler’s office, getting a beautiful, perfect little embryo implanted into my now golden uterus. My friend Stacey was with me since the guys couldn’t come out for the transfer. Finally, finally…I was there.
And as I sit here and wait for my calendar so I can start my meds, I need to realize that even though I am waiting, at least it’s happening. So yes, I’m very happy we’re here today…but I still gotta be me and bitch and moan in the meantime. ‘Cause I’m just not a patient person.